Swift: Junk in the trunk a healthy treasure

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Good news. I’m going to live forever. At least, that’s what the good folks of Denmark say.

According to a fabulous new study by Danish researchers, thigh circumference may actually play a role in longevity. And for once, the scales are tipped in the chubby person’s favor: Researchers found that those with the slimmest thighs had the highest chance of heart disease and premature death.

Results of the research, published in the online version of the British Medical Journal, were based on a study of more than 2,800 middle-aged men and women for up to 12 years. The bottom-heavy line: People whose thighs measured less than 23.6 inches in circumference had a

50 to 100 percent higher chance of developing heart disease within a decade than their chunkier companions.

Take that, Kate Beckinsale! The gene pool may have blessed you with perfect bone structure and brown-eyed sex appeal, and a blandly appealing acting style, but it also made you waaay too bony. Here, drown your British sorrows in some crumpets and clotted cream. We Americans call it “comfort eating.” Isn’t it fabulous?

I don’t know about anyone else out there, but I heartily embrace all research released by a country that has a pastry named after it.

And, after years of shouldering the shame and agony of not fitting some impossible, emaciated ideal, it’s nice to hear some scientific types say it’s OK to have a little junk in the trunk. It’s like all those white-coated, Scandinavian researchers have suddenly turned into your doting Aunt Rhoda, patted you on your plump hand, and tsked: “You’re too skinny. That’s not healthy. Have some cake!”

Granted, the researchers are quick to point out that this isn’t a license to park at the All-You-Can-Eat Waffle Bar. People who fared best in this study actually had very average-sized limbs (the equivalent of about a size 8), and the health benefits didn’t increase when people’s thighs exceeded 23.6 inches. On the other hand, the unhealthiest people in the study had the scrawniest limbs (supermodel-like thighs of less than 18 inches around).

Researchers guessed that these Praying Mantis limbs “lacked the muscle mass and lower body bulk necessary to ensure proper glucose and lipid metabolism, key factors for more serious disease.”

Woohoo! Thanks, sequoia thighs. You may have kept me from dating football players or dancing in a David Lee Roth video, but you are mega-glucose-and-lipid-metabolizing juggernauts. Yes!

Whew.

I feel such a thigh of relief.

Readers can reach Forum reporter Tammy Swift at (701) 241-5525 or tswift@forumcomm.com

Tags: tammy swift, life, health