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Published December 27, 2011, 11:30 PM

Lamb: An unscientific take on avoiding a hangover

I am not be a doctor, nor have I played one on TV. What I am – among other things – is a drinker. Thankfully I also don’t play that one on TV. (No one needs to replace Foster Brooks.)

By: John Lamb, INFORUM

I am not be a doctor, nor have I played one on TV.

What I am – among other things – is a drinker. Thankfully I also don’t play that one on TV. (No one needs to replace Foster Brooks.)

I think the statute of limitations for minor in possession is expired, so I can safely admit that at 40 years old, I have been drinking for more than half of my life.

In that time, I’d like to believe that I’ve acquired more knowledge than I have forgotten. In that overstuffed file cabinet that is my brain, somewhere between folders labeled “Hamburger recipes” and “Hazzard, Dukes of,” there is a substantial dossier labeled, “Hangovers.”

As you can imagine, it’s a collection of lessons on how to avoid or ease hangovers, not on how to obtain them. I don’t recall the last time I was hung over, which may sound like a bad thing, but I prefer to believe it is a testament to years of practice.

As explained in the accompanying article, one of the most effective ways to avoid waking up under the weather is to eat smart before drinking. Or, as a particularly colorful drinking buddy of mine would say, “put a bottom on it.”

As my physique may suggest, I like to eat before, during and after drinking. (I may be a good drinker, but I am a fantastic eater.)

Even with a proper foundation, sometimes the drinking gets the better of me. Twice I have woken up with a burrito in my hand. And no, that isn’t a metaphor.

In my experiences, tacos and burritos aren’t the best after-bar eats as they can be a bit messy and require some coordination. For that matter, spaghetti was an absolute disaster and even in my late-night state, I knew anything requiring chopsticks would be an international incident. And not a good one.

Pizza is usually a good call and Pizza Patrol is a local favorite as their digits (241-9000) are unfortunately better remembered than those of most cab companies. (Note: Pizza Patrol doesn’t taste as good when you’re sober.)

If the morning comes too early, but still late enough for lunch, I prefer Burger Time. It’s filling and fattening, but not at all fussy food. As a bonus, I feel like I am being absolved of my over-indulgences when I get my food from a building designed to look like a cross.

This week I’m adding to my mental “hangover” file with Milton Crawford’s “The Hungover Cookbook.” It’s a smart collection of morning-after wit (Winston Churchill’s snappy comeback, “I may be drunk, madam, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.”) and revitalizing recipes for breakfast burgers, Elvis Presley’s peanut butter, banana and bacon sandwich and shakshuka – the North African huevos rancheros.

Best of all, the book is only $10, perfect for a late-holiday present to yourself and a good investment for the new year. After all, a book stays with you all your life. A burrito may not even make it through the night.


Readers can reach Forum reporter John Lamb at (701) 241-5533

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