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Published April 01, 2012, 11:30 PM

Infertility: Saying the right thing

Heather Bjur, a marriage and family therapist, says friends and family often say well-meaning things to couples dealing with infertility that are intensely hurtful.

By: Sherri Richards, INFORUM

Heather Bjur, a marriage and family therapist, says friends and family often say well-meaning things to couples dealing with infertility that are intensely hurtful.

“People feel the need to say something,” Bjur says. “It’s usually not helpful.”

She encourages people to simply say “I’m here for you,” or to ask if there’s anything they can do.

At the infertility support group she leads at Valley Christian Counseling Center, Bjur hands out a photocopied magazine article with the following 10 things not to say to a woman trying to get pregnant.

Don’t:

• Talk about people you know with infertility.

• Tell me God is in control or has a plan.

• Tell me to pray harder.

• Pity or patronize me.

• Avoid me. It makes me feel rejected, different.

• Tell others, unless you have asked permission.

• Offer unsolicited advice or suggestions.

• Resent how my infertility affects you.

• Ask personal questions or give advice.

• Assume it’s a “female” problem.

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