Articles

Minding Our Elders: Recently widowed mother shows signs of dementia

How do you gently begin to supervise a parent’s health? Our mother is widowed now and 74 years old. She took care of our dad who had dementia and she seemed to do okay for awhile after he died. But now she frequently forgets her medications doubles them up, which she has admitted, and she frequently mixes up names and places.

• Carol Bradley Bursack

Minding Our Elders: How do we tell mom we’re selling her home?

Mom’s adjusting well to her new environment, but she still wants to go home periodically. We are having a problem deciding on how to tell her that it’s time to sell her home of over 50 years. We’ve always been upfront and honest with Mom, so we feel we must tell her the truth. Eventually, she’ll need the money from the home sale to pay for her care. Any advice on how to address this would be appreciated. – Sandy

• Carol Bradley Bursack

Minding Our Elders: Mother’s cognitive changes frustrating

Dear Carol: My mother’s dementia is taking a toll on both of us. There are times when she doesn’t understand what is happening around her, so she gets angry, calls me names and even accuses me of stealing. Other times, she seems very clear, but those times are almost worse for me because she says things like “Just give me something to end this.” Five minutes later, she’s back to being mad at me or anyone else near her. I don’t know which extreme is harder to cope with. Isn’t there a way to find some middle ground with this disease? – Jan

• Carol Bradley Bursack

Minding Our Elders: Lactose intolerance can sneak up on seniors

DEAR READERS: Several years ago, I used this space to highlight lactose intolerance, an issue many older adults face. Due to some recent questions, I felt it was time, once again, to share some anecdotes regarding this sometimes hidden problem.

• Carol Bradley Bursack

Minding Our Elders: Helping aging parents from a distance is challenging

DEAR CAROL: I live 500 miles away from my aging parents. They are starting to need some help, but they don’t want to move to be near me. My husband and I can’t quit our jobs and move back to our home town, either. How do I go about looking for help for Mom and Dad from so far away?

• Carol Bradley Bursack

Minding Our Elders: Father thrown into dementia following surgery

DEAR CAROL: I found your name while doing an Internet search following my father’s surgery. He is 79-years-old and because of a painful back problem, he agreed to have surgery. That was a month ago. Since the surgery he’s been in full-blown dementia.

• Carol Bradley Bursack

Bursack: Eye exams offer important window to general health

DEAR CAROL: My 62-year-old mother went to her optometrist for her yearly eye exam. During the exam, her doctor said she was developing cataracts that would eventually need to be removed, though not for awhile. That wasn’t a surprise. He also said she that she should see her primary doctor as soon as possible because he saw evidence of a heart-related problem.

• Carol Bradley Bursack

Minding Our Elders: Time to examine Medicare Plans

Whether for yourself or to assist your parents or other elders, it’s time to review Medicare options if you want to make changes from the 2012 policies. Medicare annual open enrollment begins Oct. 15 with new benefit choices taking place Jan. 2013.

• Carol Bradley Bursack

Bursack: Daughter worries about father’s sexual aggression

DEAR CAROL: My father is in a nursing home because of Alzheimer’s disease. He’s become sexually aggressive and often grabs at the aides’ bodies. I get so embarrassed when I see that. The nurses say it’s his dementia and that he’s not unusual, but I wish there was something we could do to stop this embarrassing behavior.

• Carol Bradley Bursack

Minding Our Elders: Hygiene problem could be caused by depression

DEAR CAROL: My mom always had pride in her appearance. Even as she’s aged and grown quite heavy she’s liked nice clothes and has always been clean. Now she isn’t interested in her clothes and won’t even bathe unless we nag her. She doesn’t like to go out with friends, either, and she used to be very social.

• Carol Bradley Bursack

Columns

Bursack: Anger comes out while caring for father

Dear Carol: My dad has mid-stage Alzheimer’s. I visit regularly to give my mom a break from caregiving. Mom seems to handle the changes in Dad quite well, but I’m ashamed to say I often don’t. I know the disease is the reason he is so difficult, but sometimes I just lose it. I get angry and yell at him, and then we both feel bad. How can I stop? – Jenny

Bursack: Rare times of clarity baffling but welcome

Dear Carol: My dad has mixed dementia, both vascular and Alzheimer’s. He’s in a fog most of the time. However, once in a while, he’ll look me straight in the eye and talk directly to me, just like he used to. Is this common?

Bursack: Help mom understand that getting help is OK

Dear Carol: My mother is the primary caregiver to my dad who had a stroke. I help as much as I can, but I work full time and have children. Mom is not young and has her own problems, but she is stubborn about hiring some help with Dad. They can afford it. How do I convince her she needs help? – Sara

Bursack: Pets add joy to lives of elders

Dear Carol: My grandmother should be in assisted living, but she won’t move because of her ancient cat. I know she loves the cat, and I think the cat is good for her. Are there places that take pets along with the elderly? – Ben

Bursack: Alzheimer’s research promising

Dear Carol: My mom’s short-term memory is slipping badly. Her mother had Alzheimer’s, and I’m sure she’s afraid of hearing that diagnosis. We’re having a heck of a time talking her into seeing a doctor about her memory. – Trina

Bursack: Third-party aid needed in father’s big move

Dear Carol: My mother died six months ago, and my dad is moving from the house to an apartment. Or he’s supposed to be.

Bursack: Handyman dad could get hurt, or worse

Dear Carol: My dad was always a handyman around the house. Now he and Mom are in their late 70s. Dad can afford to hire the work done, but he won’t. I’m afraid he’ll fall off a ladder or something. How do I get him to give it up? – Sally

Bursack: Concept of ‘home’ may be skewed

Dear Carol: My mother is in mid-to-late-stage Alzheimer’s.

Bursack: A roundup of readers’ useful tips

Dear Readers: This is housekeeping day.

Bursack: Stretched dad needs to get help

Dear Carol: My wife has stage five Alzheimer’s and we have a teenage daughter.