I hereby dub you ‘President Putts’
I readily acknowledge that our president demonstrates a level of political leadership, intellectual rigor and ethical standards that mirror the Republican Party greater than we have ever seen in modern times.
Critics and supporters have recognized his commanding embrace as an outsider of the norm- in other words an outlier. I think he's much more than an outlier-he's an out-and-out liar.
He's also a prolific golfer and, by his own assessment, is "like, really smart." To me that is, like, so reassuring.
When you're on the golf course and you hear someone yell "Fore," you're being warned to watch out. America's commander in chief is in the fore and he swings a big niblick. Our candy cotton-quaffed POTUS has tallied more tee time on the nation's dime than any chief executive in the history of America, Scotland or golf itself. Hannity and all the other Fox News Trump munchkins turned handsprings in their wrath when Barack Obama hit the links a few times. Sean's not talking golf anymore, and all the rest of the Fox boys are looking for new jobs and dreaming about their glory days harassing and offending women.
In his campaign, Mr. T waved his tiny fingers in the air and boasted he would never have time for golf if he were head of state. That was a lie, which in Trump speak is a valued family trait and in golf is a favorable ball placement for the next shot.
GOP gallery faithful still surround his course and thrill while the president makes a killing in greenbacks at Mar-a-Lago Golf Heaven while practicing his collection of "gimmees" on the green.
He is, by all accounts and to no surprise, a good golfer. I'm in awe of the record of championships he's claimed, proof or not that he actually won them. So, Mr. President, for all those golf balls you've drilled into the cup, I'm dubbing you President Putts. No one putts around 18 holes or the West Wing like you do, sir. And for snubbing most of the world with your Jerusalem embassy selection, I'm honoring you with a Yiddish homonym, and lovingly nominating you President Putz. In either language you are a putz—in your white golfing togs or any of your identical custom made blue suits.
Furthermore, you don't show off. You hide your game from the working press while protecting the wonderful work the vice president does, carrying your clubs, replacing your divots and announcing after each swing or stroke, "That's the best shot since Sam Snead!" Mr. President, for America's sake, please tweet to Kim Jong Un and your fans about the size of your putter.
I certainly am leery of the news reports, including from your own staff, that you, like Bill Clinton, occasionally, uh, fudge on your scorecards. Good Heavens, do people actually think that the man who claims sole credit for personally bringing back "Merry Christmas" to us, would cheat on a round of golf? Fore!
Stark is a Forum editorial cartoonist and columnist. He presents illustrated history programs in schools, for professional groups and in other venues. Email Stark at email@example.com