Nicole J. Phillips
Taryn Skees is a mom just like me. She's a writer and a speaker who is passionate about the power of kindness. But Taryn's drive to spread the message of kindness didn't come from a spontaneous act of kindness that transformed her life. It came from the birth of her son. Taryn's 9-year-old son, Aiden, has a rare craniofacial condition called Apert syndrome. He is one in 160,000, which Taryn knows makes him awfully special.
Last week I posed a question that had come across my desk from a Fargo mail carrier. He asked, "Where does citizenship end and kindness begin?" His job often puts him in positions where he feels compelled to help. A lost cell phone, a wandering child or an emergency that requires a call to 911. We are taught to be nice and neighborly and do the right thing. So is that kindness? Or does kindness require an extra step? Here are some thoughts from readers sent in over the past week: Teresa said she would like to be called a "Kind citizen."
You know what I just realized? I do not know the name of the woman who delivers my mail. Usually my mail carrier just leaves the letters in the box by the road and eventually I wander out and collect them. But every few months, she pulls her truck into my driveway and hops out to hand me a package or a post-vacation bundle of mail. I always smile and say thank you, but in the three years that we've lived in this house, I never once thought to ask her name.
Children's hearts are precious. They love big, forgive quickly and are incredible readers of the emotions around them. Sort of like a magnet, they attract the feelings of others and wear them as their own. Sometimes that's good and sometimes that's bad. It can be bad when it locks up the mind in fear and confusion, but it's incredibly beautiful when it opens the door to compassion and understanding.
The hardest thing to do when I'm feeling down is the one thing I know will help me feel better. It's not exercise or sleep or eating healthier meals. It's kindness. I know when I'm at my worst, I have to get my eyes off myself and put them squarely on the needs of others. It works. Every time. But it doesn't just work for me. A Fargo woman says she was facing a difficult time when the perfect opportunity for kindness was born out of a short chat at a hospital coffee counter.
My friend's father-in-law recently died. It came on suddenly. It wasn't supposed to happen that way. They weren't prepared. I wonder, when it comes to losing someone we love, if we're ever really prepared. The hole that's left while we are mourning seems like an endless chasm, and yet it's the perfect size for kindness. Kindness shown through phone calls, flowers, shared memories and stories that come to life only after the living are gone.
They say what goes around comes around. If you consistently treat others with kindness, you can expect to have a pretty big kindness bank account to draw from when life throws you a curveball. I've seen it happen again and again in my own life, and so has Mary Derosier from Red Lake Falls, Minn., although she and her mom were pretty surprised when it boomeranged so quickly.
Walt Disney once said, "The way to get started is to quit talking and begin doing." That works well for amusement parks, but it also works well in the realm of kindness. Alicia Stewart is a mom who feels frustrated with the way girls sometimes treat each other. When she saw it happening in her daughter's second-grade classroom, she decided to put together a retreat for girls that would focus on their self-esteem and compassion toward others.
I really should have kept a list of all the people who helped me during my battle with breast cancer. It would be filled with the names of family and friends who delivered meals and picked up kids and sent cards. But it would also be filled with the names of strangers who helped me get through each day after my surgery when I was desperate to return to my routine. Friendly people seemed to come out of nowhere when I needed them most. Just like the two boys who helped my friend Teresa when she was dealing with a painful rib injury.
One of the great lessons cancer taught me was the importance of getting my thought-life in order. There are way too many things in this world that could go wrong. If we allow ourselves to think whatever thought pops into our heads, we risk being dragged into a black hole of despair. But how do we replace those negative thoughts with something more positive? What do we think about instead? Kindness.