The year 2017 was the newsiest year on record according to statistics I just made up. Strike that. These are not alternative facts. This is based on actual gut feelings. And anonymous sources.
It will be interesting to see if the president can hold together The Party of Capitulation after Roy Moore's defeat. Divide and conquer. That's how you keep your job with a 32-percent approval rating. That and fear. Republicans saw what happened to Jeff Flake. It's more than party over people. It's about self-preservation.
A legislative committee will examine North Dakota's sexual harassment policy "to make sure it's up to date," said Rep. Al Carlson. "I'm hoping for visual aids," added a committeeman, panting slightly. Existing codes are located between weights and measures, buggy whips and the zoning of sod houses. Current statutes read: • A chaste woman shan't ride alone in a closed carriage with a man who is not a relative. • She may, however, signal her status with a fan. Fanning slowly means, "I am engaged." Fanning whilst disrobed suggests, "I am hotith to trotith."
The FCC appears ready to roll back net neutrality rules in December. I know your eyes are glazing over, but hang with me just a second, and let me tell you how this will be good for you. (Silence.) OK, it won't actually be good for you. Not at first, anyway. But, in the same way that tax breaks for corporations will eventually trickle down to everyone, you'll get trickle-down web services.
I love Thanksgiving. It's got all the best aspects of Christmas, without the pressure of having to buy gifts. You plop your sweet potatoes on the table and you're pretty much done. All you've got to do the rest of the day is burp and fall asleep on the couch in front of a Detroit Lions game. Most years, that ain't hard to do. Thanksgiving is so innocuous, not even Fox News gets upset if someone says "Happy Holidays," instead of "Happy Thanksgiving," even though they're taking the "thanks" out of Thanksgiving.
I'm puzzled. Why did Donald Trump Jr. have to drag his daughter, Chloe, into a discussion about economics? All the kid really wanted to do was to go trick-or-treating on Halloween in her Marie Antoinette costume. When you're a Trump kid, it's complicated enough. You end up with things like Krugerrands, Faberge eggs, caviar, covfefe and truffles in your Gucci bag — a serious bummer when you're 3.
One of Us The other day, I ran into a friend who wondered why I couldn't get with the program, like the rest of the Republicans in my neck of the woods. I explained I''m not really anti-Republican, I am pro-common sense. Since these days we are entitled to our own facts, along with entire networks to support them, please allow me my delusion.
Hey folks, it's been awhile, and I sense my readers slacking off. Have you been paying attention to current events? The news has been particularly newsy as of late. Actually, I was holding off writing this since there were rumblings about the apocalypse happening Saturday. Bummer. Now, I have to write a column, and I suppose, pay my bills. Okay, pencils sharpened, eyes straight ahead, here we go.
A big wind made landfall here last week, and when I woke up the next morning, North Dakota was great again. One television anchor said she and her family went out to "show our love for the president." Not everyone was happy. It is a statistical fact 41 percent of North Dakotans don't support the president. Eleven percent have actually been groped by him.
If you didn't like Billy Kretschmar, the fault was not his. Billy was a fixture in the North Dakota House of Representatives from 1974 to 2016, with one lost election in between, and during that time most politicians would have developed fierce enemies. If Billy had them, I don't know who they are. When I deconstructed his career in a February feature story, I couldn't find anyone who had a bad thing to say about him. I tried.