Dear Annie: My 27-year-old son broke up with his 23-year-old girlfriend after a three-month relationship that was largely based on sex. Six weeks after the breakup, the girl announced that she was pregnant. My son is sure that he is the father, but marriage is not in the picture.
Here's the sad part: This girl has had rheumatoid arthritis since she was 10 years old and is on disability. She does not work, attend school or care for herself in any capacity. She is unable to lift 10 pounds or cut her own food. However, she is quite capable of drinking beer, smoking and singing in karaoke bars. She's been told that her disease will go into remission during pregnancy but will return in spades once she delivers, making it necessary for her to have 24/7 assistance. This girl has had at least one abortion before, and we are now aware of past drug abuse.
All tests show the baby to be healthy. My son does not feel that either of them could offer this child a good life, and he would like to pursue open adoption. The ex-girlfriend, however, is adamant that friends and family will help her raise the baby. I am beside myself with concern for my son and his unborn child. What is our next step? - A Concerned Mother
Dear Mother: You cannot force the ex to make an adoption plan, even if it would be in everyone's best interests. Your son will be obligated to pay child support, like it or not. He doesn't have to marry the ex-girlfriend or assist in her care, but we hope he will take an interest in his child. Please have your son seek legal counsel to iron out the details about support payments and visitation, and put them in writing.
Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net , or write to Annie's Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Suite 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045.
