If you're like me, you like to ponder life's important questions while lounging on a couch in a dark basement.
"Will The Misfits ever get the credit it deserves as an influential punk band?"
"Does George Lucas have a shirt that isn't plaid?"
"When is God going to smite Heidi and Spencer?"
"What is Abbi Noah doing right now?"
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Well, thanks to the Internet, we have an answer to at least one of those questions.
Like almost every person who's ever been on a reality TV show, Detroit Lakes' own Abbi "Cornfed" Noah is posting random thoughts on Twitter, the micro-blogging Web site that demands each post be 140 characters or less.
After reading through a few months of Noah's posts, it looks like the winner of VH1's reality dating show "Real Chance of Love" isn't doing much more than watching TV, dieting and drinking - or at least thinking about - Bud Light.
And that's exactly why her Twitter account is fascinating: It's answering the pointless questions we all have about her, or any pseudo-celebrity posting on the site.
Here's what we've discovered about Noah via her Twitter page:
Her hidden talents: "I am an expert fisherwoman!," posted on July 12.
Her favorite movies: "Big Daddy! I freakin love this movie," posted July 10.
Her pleasantries: "Good morning lovers," posted July 2.
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Her daily routines: "Going to bed! I'm such a grandma..but I love getting up early now and enjoying my day:)," posted July 1.
Her TV habits: "Caught the end of Americas got talent to see the cowboy rock garth brooks song!," posted June 29.
Her pet peeves: "I hate when men play games.. Ugh! The not call u game! So Sweet:/," posted June 28.
Her travel itinerary: "so exhausted what a crazy time home it's been. I love Minnesota summers:) back to la la land tues!," posted June 28.
Her drink of choice: "Bud light!," posted June 27.
The fallout from her drink of choice: "Trippin! Why do I do stupid crap when I drink!," posted June 27.
Her music of the moment: "Johnny cash! Yep, that's what I'm playin right now:)," posted June 13.
Her childhood crushes: "What! Jtt was only number 32? He was my teen heartthrob!," posted June 13, presumably about Jonathan Taylor Thomas.
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Her desires: "I wanna snuggie," posted June 10.
Wooing tips: "Perfect date for me is beer and karoke! No lie! I love to just have fun and laugh:) a sense of humor in a guy is the biggest turn on!," posted June 6.
Her thoughts on "Real Chance of Love 2": "Just saw a rcol2 commercial and threw up in my mouth!," posted July 13.
It's an understandable reaction. Seeing your ex acting like a dog in heat at the sight of girls with fake everything is never appetizing - I've heard.
Of course, Noah's not the only Fargo reality TV star tweeting. Caridee English, the former "America's Next Top Model" winner turned reality TV show host is tweeting. She's not as prolific as Noah, but still interesting.
Here's what we've learned about Caridee:
Her fashion advice: "I LOVE yellow in the summer time! Its so fresh and fun!," posted June 24, with a link to a photo of her in a yellow dress.
Her heart's rhythms: "I have my first crush of the summer....first of MANY I'm sure! I'm boy crazzzzzzy!," posted June 22.
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Her soundtrack for lounging: "laying by the pool listening to @betterthanezra ! Amazing band and a gorgeous sunny day in LA!," posted June 19.
Her inadvertent rubbing of her celebrity in our faces: "Tomorrow night I'm hosting a charity event!!! What are all of you doing??," posted June 18.
Her lunchmates: "Having lunch with Tyra and Paris," posted April 22.
Aren't we all.
Robert Morast is an amoeba with a mind of his own. He can be reached
at (701) 241-5518.
Online
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Abbi "Cornfed" Noah's Twitter page: http://twitter.com/ vh1sCornfed
Caridee English's page: http://twitter.com/Caridee English
