John Lamb: Summer fun is already shaping up

Summer has arrived and brought with it a list of things for me to do.

Not a "honey-do" list of chores for me to complete for my adorable and nonexistent MacArthur Genius Grant-winning/ swimsuit model girlfriend, Brieanneke.

And not a bucket list; those are for quitters.

I've been thinking of ways to maximize the next three months, to get as much out of the long, hot days as possible.

And it's time I get going on some goals. I already missed the mark for getting in Speedo shape for swimsuit season. This is bad because the 2012 Summer Olympics start in London on July 27, and I want to show solidarity for gold medal swimmer Michael Phelps all summer long. USA! USA! USA!

Maybe I should just accept that swimsuit season is a wash, hit the hot dog cart and get myself into shape for snowmobile suit season.

Or maybe I just embrace my heritage (and some roast meat and cups of mead) and sign up to be a Viking at the 35th Scandinavian Hjemkomst and Annual Midwest Viking Festivals starting June 22. I'm probably already in Viking shape, though I need to take steroids to get my beard there.

Every pop culture calendar has a circle (or a bat signal) around July 20, as that's the day "The Dark Knight Rises" hits theaters. I'm not sure which baddie Batman fights this time, but I'm thinking it is Nicki Minaj because I have no idea why else people pay attention to the pink-coifed pop star.

Speaking of dark nights, it's time I read "Fifty Shades of Grey." Apparently this is the page-turner of the year - and the brain burner of the year as well.

Admittedly, I first thought it was a revisionist update on the classic "The Picture of Dorian Gray" and wasn't interested because I'd already read the original Classics Illustrated comic.

Then I thought it was just 50 remixes of the Grateful Dead's 1987 "hit" "Touch of Grey," and listening to DJs reinterpreting a jam band sounded like the most tedious thing ever. Until I heard of this tawdry trilogy. A couple experimenting with kinky sex for three whole books? That sounds as enticing as a week dining at a Chinese buffet - and not the good one.

But if it's what people are talking about, I want in. Besides, I could use a good laugh.

I'll put it on the list for the next selection in my book club with Brieanneke.

Readers can reach Forum reporter John Lamb at (701) 241-5533