The Trivial 10

EAST LONGMEADOW, Mass. - The makers of Trivial Pursuit have announced most trivial moments of the year in honor of National Trivia Day Jan. 4.

1. Ashlee Simpson "Sings" on SNL - Didn't anyone tell her the name of the show is Saturday Night LIVE?

2. "Bennifer" Ends, "Bennifer 2" Begins - Affleck swaps Lopez for Garner ... America shudders at the thought of any Affleck sequel.

3. The Dean Scream - Howard Dean (above) may not be president, but he's got our vote for lead role in "Hulk 2."

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4. The Great "Wardrobe Malfunction" - TiVo owners use super slow-motion replay for "further review."

5. Britney Spears and Her Two Weddings - Her second marriage breaks personal best: lasts more than 55 hours.

6. The "15 Minutes" of William Hung - "She Bangs"...her head against a wall every time this man sings.

7. "OMA-ROSA!" - Need we say more about "The Apprentice's" bad girl? We could, but we're a little scared.

8. The Nick & Jessica Variety Hour - Somehow, they made us miss Sonny & Cher. Somehow.

9. Martha Stewart Makes the Jailhouse Jam - Elvis only made the jailhouse rock.

10. '04-'05 NHL Season Cancelled Due to Strike - Who knew?

Source: Hasbro

New touchdown taunts

With post-season football gearing up, here's some suggestions for novel ways those showboating pros can celebrate a touchdown:

- Run to local church, convert to Catholicism, then run back to end zone and make the sign of the cross.

- Write "paragon of athletic achievement" in the air with his hand.

- Shimmy up goalpost, refuse to come back down.

- Jog victory laps around referee.

- Calmly pull football apart at the seams.

- Dump cooler of Gatorade on himself.

- Enter press box, write article praising his performance.

- Take out cell phone hidden in padding on goalpost, call up fire department, and tell them there's a man on fire at the stadium. He adds, "It's me! Get it? Get it?!"

- Break dance in attempt to outdo celebrating member of other team.

Source: www.mcsweeneys.net

Not coming to a newspaper near you

Comic strips that never caught on:

"The Katzenjammer Fortysomethings"

"Ennui is ..."

"Calvin and Hobbes and Hegel"

"Dennis the Honor Student"

"Blandie"

Source: www.mcsweeneys.net

To contact The Rail, send an e-mail to features reporter Tom Pantera at tpantera@forumcomm.com and he'll forward it to the responsible writers.

Today's best bet

Sleigh rides, 2-5 p.m.

Hjemkomst Center, Moorhead