Andrea Berninger column: The A List: 'The Grill is Hot Tonight': Rib Fest

It takes a very special kind of band to provide just the right entertainment for Rib Fest. This Saturday, Canadian '80s rockers Loverboy will meet the meaty challenge, attempting to prove our neighbors to the north can contribute more than Canadian bacon to the pork industry.

Along with Forum reporter Sarah Henning and Forum features editor Tammy Swift, I came up with Rib Fest-customized lyrics for some of the band's greatest hits to give the band a ham, er, hand. Now all Loverboy needs to do is show up with its instruments, tight red leather pants and butt-kickin' rock 'n' roll 'tude.

For an appet-teasing opener, the group should tear into the unofficial Rib Fest theme, "Grillin' For The Weekend" (sing to the tune of "Working For The Weekend"):

Everyone's hungry, to see what they can eat

Everyone's hungry for meat

Everyone's wonderin', will I grill out tonight?

Everyone's wonderin', will it light? Will it light?

Everybody's grillin' for the weekend

Everybody wants a little ham

Everybody's goin' for the cheese curds

Everybody wants a Rib Fest man

You want a piece of grilled meat,

You'd best get up from your seat.

You wanna get in the line,

Come on baby, let's dine!

Of course, everyone knows eating pork triggers the release of pheromones, so Loverboy should set the mood for all the full and happy Rib Fest couples with "Heaven In Your Swine" (to the tune of "Heaven In Your Eyes"):

I can tell by the look in your eyes

You've been grillin'

I'd never let you down, oh, no

And I'll try hard to keep the beer chillin'

You gave me time to cook ribs

What my gut was looking for

And what I'm feelin' inside

In your swine

I want to see barbecue again

In your swine

I never want the basting to end

It took some time to find the pilot light

But now I realize

I can see the heaven in your swine.

Once they've ignited the crowd's passion, Mike Reno and company can fan the flames of romance with the not-so-subtle innuendo of the raunchy "Grillin' Every Minute Of It" (to the tune of "Lovin' Every Minute Of It"):

I got fire, you got pork

You wanna grill then take the fork

You and me can let it sear

Ready -- aim -- baste!

Touch that knob, turn me on

Start me like a bonfire, make me burn

Grillin' every minute of it

Grillin' every minute of it

Turn that gas up all the way

Shoot me like a brisket into sauce

Grillin' every minute of it

Grillin' every minute of it.

Before closing the show, the Canadian quintet that penned "Teenage Overdose" for its 1980 self-titled debut should show its political side. This time the group can shed light on the health dangers of gluttony with "Pants Aren't Loose" (to the tune of "Turn Me Loose"):

I was born to eat

I was born to chew

But my waist stayed at a 32

I kept on eating my way

Or no way at all

Then Rib Fest came around

I started chowing down

Man, I ate like a sow

I had to have it my way

At every stall

And now my pants aren't loose, pants aren't loose, pants aren't loose

I gotta lose some poundage

Or I'll burst my fly.

For more Rib Fest rock, Loverboy can fill out its set list with other tangy hits like "The Grill Is Hot Tonight," (to the tune of "The Kid Is Hot Tonight"), "Queen Of The Spicy Sauce," ("Queen Of The Broken Hearts"), "Greasy Ones," ("Lucky Ones") and "Pass The Wet-Naps" (a lost rare track).

Readers can reach Forum reporter

Andrea Berninger at (701) 241-5533 or aberninger@forumcomm.com

If you go

What: Loverboy

When: 9 p.m. Saturday

Where: Fargodome parking lot, 1800 N. University Drive.

Tickets: Gate admission is $3 for ages 13 and up; $1 for ages 3-12.