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Baby, I'm a rich president

According to Forbes magazine, if America elects Massachusetts Sen. John Kerry president, he will immediately join the ranks of the five richest presidents ever.

According to Forbes magazine, if America elects Massachusetts Sen. John Kerry president, he will immediately join the ranks of the five richest presidents ever.

Although the magazine admits it is difficult to compare fortunes over 200 years, its list of the five wealthiest presidents and where Kerry would fit in is:

1. George Washington (Virginia plantation and wife's fortune)

2. John F. Kennedy (Although he never inherited it, he stood to receive a share of the Kennedy fortune, estimated to be worth $850 million in 1990)

3. John Kerry (Family fortune estimated to be $525 million. Money comes from his wife, Theresa Heinz Kerry, who inherited it from her late husband, Sen. John Heinz III of the Heinz food family)

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4. Andrew Jackson

5. Lyndon B. Johnson

6. Herbert Hoover

And, Forbes says, don't pity George W. Bush. He made a bundle from his investment in the Texas Rangers baseball franchise.

OK, everyone queue up Aaron Copland's "Fanfare for the Common Man" and hum along while balancing your checkbook.

Children and newspapers

The percentage of kids ages 8 to 12 who say they read these parts of the newspaper:

- Comics, 75 percent

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- Local news, 58 percent

- Sports, 39 percent

- Entertainment, 34 percent

- Weather, 23 percent

- National/world news, 19 percent

- Horoscopes, 15 percent

Source: Harris Interactive

Joke du jour

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Q. What is the difference between Star Trek's Borg and the Jackson family?

A. One's a bunch of surgically altered freaks and the other's an alien race.

A Bushian love poem

The Oregonian in Portland asked readers to compose fictitious love poems from one famous person to another well-known person for Valentine's Day.

The winning poem was from Laura Bush to Dubya. It went something like this:

You have, my sexy valentine

Excited my sensitivities

To weapons of mass destruction --

Related program activities

Source: www.oregonlive.com/edge

To contact The Rail, send an e-mail to features editor Dean Rhodes at drhodes@forumcomm.com at he'll forward it to the guilty parties, or click on the Valley R&R icon at In-Forum.com.

Today's best bet

"Rosencrantz & Guildenstern Are Dead," 7:30 p.m., Tom Stoppard's comedic twist on "Hamlet."

Roland Dille Center for the Arts, Hansen Auditorium, MSUM, Moorhead

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