Crying foul over Hawks' dancers

The movie "A League of Their Own" won't be remembered as the greatest Tom Hanks film, but it delivered the sound bite of his career.

Playing Jimmy Dugan, the boorish manager of a woman's baseball team, he chides a player and when she weeps, he yells, "There's no crying in baseball!"

No crying in baseball and no dancing on the diamond. The Fargo-Moorhead RedHawks announced this week that a team of 10 female dancers will perform during Friday and Saturday games.

The RedHawks' attempt to get a leg up on other summer attractions makes me want to put my foot down.

Megan Salic, assistant general manager and promotions director, said adding dance teams at minor league baseball is a growing trend. Trend? Baseball is a game of tradition, not trends.

I'm not saying baseball is an exclusive males-only club and women shouldn't share the green grass with the boys of summer. There's plenty of room for everyone to go yard, but there's no place between the lines or anywhere else in Newman Outdoor Field for dance teams, pompoms or pyramids. Unless that's a pyramid made of empty cups.

There's a reason baseball is the national pastime - it's casual.

Cheerleaders practice their routines. There's nothing casual about it. I'm not sure what these dancers will wear for outfits, but it's probably not going to look like something they leisurely picked up off the floor.

I've got nothing against dancing. I've heard it can be fun, so much fun that until 1969 Concordia College banned it. Being on a dance team takes rhythm, balance, coordination and strength. When it's all put together, it's quite a production - for basketball and football games indoors. With sky-high tickets, fans need to forget they're sitting in a steel and concrete bunker when there's a break in the action. RedHawks' baseball games don't need a distraction. Between innings, all the eye candy you need is to drink in the clear blue sky.

Football games need to be events because they only happen once a week. If you pay top dollar for a ticket and your team loses, you're sunk. Top dollar for RedHawks games is $10, and if they lose, you go back the next night. Or not. You can fit it into your schedule; it's that casual. Ultimately, a dance team won't keep me away from "The Nest," and it won't tear the fabric of a century-old game, at least not the way they make players' scratch-resistant uniforms now.

Speaking of which, with young ladies on the field, will that mean RedHawks manager Doug Simunic can't "adjust himself" in the third-base coach's box? The only splits I need to see at a game is a first baseman digging out a low throw. The only kicking I want to see is Simmy kicking dirt on an umpire.

Taunting jeers? Yes. Organized cheers? No way.

The thought of cheerleaders at a baseball game may be enough to make me want to cry foul, but if I've learned anything from Tom Hanks, "There's no crying in baseball!"

Readers can reach Forum columnist John Lamb at (701) 241-5533 or jlamb@forumcomm.com