Harrison Ford returns to movie theaters today in "Hollywood Homicide."
Ford, who has portrayed two of the greatest heroes in movie history (see below), seems to The Rail to be getting a little long in the tooth to be playing an action movie star, let alone contemplating a fourth Indiana Jones flick.
Ford, who turns 62 in July, and director Steven Spielberg might want to consider the following storylines for a fourth adventure as the swashbuckling archaeologist:
-- "Raiders of the Lost Pillbox": Indy is recruited by the U.S. government to recover Adolf Hitler's misplaced medication, which could turn the tide of World War II.
-- "Indiana Jones and the Search for the Fountain of Youth": Spanish explorer Ponce de Leon's search for the fabled fountain in Florida draws Indiana Jones to the swamps in an attempt to turn back the ravages of time.
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-- "Indiana Jones and the Search for the Holy Grail of Viagra": Reteamed with Karen Allen, who played Marion in "Raiders," Indy needs a little assistance. Enough said.
-- "Indiana Jones and the Polyp of Doom:" Indy, on a routine visit to his doctor, finds out that a rogue Indian sect has placed a mysterious pre-cancerous growth in his colon.
-- "Indiana Jones and the Temple of Assisted Living": Envision an opening sequence of Indy, using a walker, outrunning a nurse.
-- "Indiana Jones and the Last Will and Testament:" A 90-minute film, a la "My Dinner With Andre," of Indiana Jones making out his will with an attorney.
-- "Raiders of the Ark That I Could've Sworn I Put Down Here Just a Minute Ago": Indy battles short-term memory loss.
And, finally:
-- "Indiana Jones in Raiders of the Lost Social Security Fund:" A retired university professor, Indiana goes in search his retirement fund. Envision a scene where he is trapped in a pit of federal red tape. "Bureaucrats," he spits. "Why does it always have to be bureaucrats?"
Hero, hero
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In case you missed it, the American Film Institute recently released the Top 50 movie heroes and villains.
Ford appeared twice on the hero list at:
-- No. 2: For Indiana Jones in 1989's "Raiders of the Lost Ark."
-- No. 14: Han Solo in 1977's "Star Wars."
To contact The Rail, send an e-mail to Dean Rhodes at drhodes@forumcomm.com or click on the Valley R&R icon at In-Forum.com.
Today's best bet
Midwest Kid Fest, 11 a.m. to 7 p.m., festival of arts, hands-on projects, interactive activities, entertainment and more.
Island Park, Fargo
