You've got to hand it to VH1.
MTV's older and less-cool cousin has somehow managed to survive via extremely creative programming: pop culture homages, nostalgia shows and some of the sleaziest reality TV out there.
The network's latest offering, "Bret Michael's Rock of Love," is sort of like "The Bachelor." Well, if you substituted college degrees, designer fashions and basic human decency with stripper poles, rampant alcohol abuse and really bad weaves.
The premise: The over-the-hill frontman of the '80s hair-metal band Poison is searching for true love. Rather than do the usual, boring thing - i.e. ask friends if they know any single women, join a macramé club for singles, etc. - he decides to look for his soulmate via reality TV programming. He'll open his home to a herd of eligible hotties, then weed them out one-by-one via "rock-appropriate" challenges such as posing for album covers and being grilled by Bret's groupies.
The contestants are typically exotic dancers, party girls and opportunists. Every once in a while, a clueless businesswoman "stumbles" into the contestant pool, where she's baffled by the Jerry Springer-esque sideshow around her. (Hello? It's a reality show on VH1, dear. You're not going to meet Dame Judi Dench.)
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Although this all sounds a bit unsavory, it's also entertaining. Case in point: The "Rock of Love" finale, which aired Sept. 30, was rated the No. 1 show on cable that night.
The reunion show airs tonight. (If "Rock of Love" takes its cue from "Flavor of Love" reunions, the show will likely feature industrial-strength name calling, shoe throwing and the revelation that the "Rock of Love" winner, Jes, has left Bret to pursue an acting/singing career, though they remain "good friends.")
Yes, "Rock of Love" won't win any Emmy awards, although it did have plenty of trophy-worthy moments. Among those:
Best headgear: Unlike some of his hair-band peers, Bret Michaels has aged fairly gracefully. He hasn't required a Vince Neil-variety facelift (as chronicled by VH1) or a Jani Lane-variety bodylift (also chronicled by VH1). However, his omnipresent do-rag raised more speculation than Britney's shaved head. Has he purchased his headgear at the same Hair Club for Rock Stars store where Axl Rose shops?
Least fortunate skin art: Heather, one of the two finalists, was no shrinking violet. A stripper by trade, she was not afraid to "Talk Dirty to Me" - or to sling dirt at anyone else - to gain the upper hand. So confident was she of her chances with the Poison singer that she brazenly had his name tattooed on the back of her neck. Unfortunately, Bret sent her home. Ouch.
The Dina and Michael Lohan Parenting Award: This would almost certainly go to demon-seed contestant Lacey's father and trophy stepmother. In one hilarious scene, Lacey's dad shamelessly informs Bret that if the rocker marries his daughter, he'll insist on a pre-nuptial agreement. Considering that Bret Michaels probably gets royalty dollars every time "Something to Believe In" plays in an elevator in Japan, I don't think Lacey's dad's Ponderosa franchise - or whatever it is - is in danger.
On TV
- What: "Bret Michaels Rock of Love" all-day marathon leading up to "Reunion" episode
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- When: 9 a.m.
to 7 p.m. today
- Where: VH1.
Ch. 62 in F-M
Swift writes a weekly column for The Forum. She can be reached at tsruse2001@yahoo.com
It's time for 'Rock' reunion Tammy Swift 20071007
