Maxim magazine, the publication for males too cowardly to buy Playboy or other adult magazines, recently published the Great State Debate, in which it pitted state against state until it determined the greatest state in the United States. (Did The Rail use "state" enough in that sentence?)
In the first round, North Dakota battled North Carolina in what the magazine called the Battle of the Schizo States.
And North Carolina won.
"Aside from being the geographic center of North America, (North Dakota) is institutionally boring. Milk is the official beverage, and English is the official language. Duh."
In the end, Louisiana and New York made it to the final two with ... Louisiana winning.
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"In the end, gators beat rats, Bourbon Street beats Wall Street and voodoo beats Donald Trump's hair," the magazine said.
Now you know should you care, which The Rail doesn't.
Lame joke du jour
A termite walks into a bar and asks, "Is the bar tender here?"
Cost of living keeps increasing
If you think gasoline, milk and college tuition are the only things increasing in price, you've got another thing coming, Bubba.
According to the Tullahoma (Tenn.) Herald-Chronicle, the price of fireflies has jumped to an all-time high of 35 cents per gram, or $10 per ounce for a fresh supply of the insects.
The price last summer was a mere 33 cents per gram, or $9.50 per ounce.
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The insects are used in food safety testing to detect contamination in food. They are also used as a detection tool in very important research in molecular biology.
No word yet on if FPEC (Firefly Producing Exporting Countries) will increase supply to bring down the price in order to help President Bush win re-election.
By the way, 100 fireflies will get you approximately $1.40 since they are purchased by weight, not count.
Like a virgin ears
Madonna (above) has imposed a cursing fine for anyone on her Re-invention Tour caught cursing.
It's $5 a swear word and Madonna herself has already paid several times.
Source: The New York Post
To contact The Rail, send an e-mail to features editor Dean Rhodes at drhodes@forumcomm.com and he'll forward it to the writers, or click on the Valley R&R icon at In-Forum.com
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Today's best bet
Acoustic guitar workshop, 7 p.m., Beppe Gambetta offers flatpicking instructions.
Marguerite's Music, Moorhead
