Sponsored By
An organization or individual has paid for the creation of this work but did not approve or review it.

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Take it to the screen

By its latest estimates, the country's most popular social-networking Web site - myspace.com - has more than 100 million profiles. That's more than one-third the population of the U.S.

By its latest estimates, the country's most popular social-networking Web site - myspace.com - has more than 100 million profiles. That's more than one-third the population of the U.S.

They might be on to something there.

Soon, even people 30 and older might get in on the act - maybe even some local notables.

But we beat them to the punch.

Here's what the profiles might look like for Fargo Mayor Dennis Walaker, former Clay County Attorney, now 7th District Judge Lisa Borgen

ADVERTISEMENT

and North Dakota State University's head football coach, Craig Bohl.

Just in case you missed the implication, here's the explicit warning: These are fake profiles, intended as satire only.

Dennis "DENNY" Walaker

About me:

If you live in Fargo and don't know my name, that's OK. I only SAVED YOUR CITY! Now I'm your mayor. No connection.

I'd like to meet:

The man who saved this town from the 1997 flood. Oh wait. That's me.

Denny's facts

ADVERTISEMENT

Quote: "Let my people stay dry!"

Gender: Male

Age: 65

Location: Fargo

E-mail: mosesoffargo@cableone.net

Interests: Grandfathering and dike-building

Music: "Five Feet High and Rising," by Johnny Cash. Great tune. It's about a flood, you know.

Movies: "The 10 Commandments." You know what scene I'm talking about.

ADVERTISEMENT

Television: Cable-access replays of commission meetings (that's me in the middle!).

Books: "How to Win an Election without Even Trying," a recently discovered treatise by George Washington.

Heroes: Noah. From the bible. With the arc. Because of the flood.

Denny's Details

Groups: NDSU Team Makers

Status: Married

Orientation: Straight

Smoke/drink: Not for 30 years/only in Tuscany

Children: Yes

Education: High school

Occupation: Mayor

Lisa "L-BO" Borgen

About me:

I'm just the girl-next-door type. You know,

typical stuff - a nurse who became a department store manager before moving on to be a prosecutor and a judge. Same old, same old.

I'd like to meet:

The truth. But I hope when I do, it doesn't hit me in the face.

Lisa's facts

Quote: "You wouldn't know the truth if it hit you in the face."

Gender: Female

Age: 44

Location: Moorhead

E-mail: judgeandjury@aclu.org

Interests: Felony charges. Always loved 'em.

Always will.

Music: Anything with a strong gavel beat.

Movies: "101 Dalmations" and "Dead Man Walking"

Television: "Law and Order," "What Not to Wear" and anything on CourtTV.

Heroes: Rudy Giuliani

Groups: Minnesota Bar Association

"COACH" Craig Bohl

About me:

I'd love to tell you about my personal life. That doesn't mean I will, though.

I'd like to meet:

Athletic directors from Division I-A universities

Craig's facts

Gender: Male

Interests: Football, football coaching and mountain climbing

Music: That heavy-metal stuff they play at the Fargodome before games

Movies: "Remember the Titans," "Rudy," "Jerry Maguire" and "Friday Night Lights"

Television: NDSU vs. Montana game

Books: NDSU playbook (offense), NDSU playbook (defense)

Heroes: Unbeaten football coaches

Groups: FOCURS (Football Coaches with Unbeaten Records Society)

Craig's details

Orientation: Unknown

Smoke/drink: Unknown

Education: Unknown

Readers can reach Forum reporter Dave Roepke at (701) 241-5535

What To Read Next
Host Bryan Piatt is joined by Matt Entz, head coach of the North Dakota State Bison football team, to discuss the pressures of leading the program and how mental health is addressed with his players.
Artificial intelligence can now act as an artist or a writer. Does that mean AI is ready to play doctor? Many institutions, including Mayo Clinic, believe that AI is ready to become a useful tool.
Columnist Carol Bradley Bursack lists the various reason why some older adults may begin to shuffle as they age.
The Buffalo Bills safety who suffered a cardiac arrest on Monday Night Football in January is urging people to learn how to save lives the way his was saved.