Bender: Keeping readers sharp with another current events quiz

Tony Bender
Tony Bender

Hey slackers, did you really think you were going to get away without a current events review before the semester ends? Oh, no—Jim Acosta is back so you know the fake news spigot is going to be running wide open.

Pull up a desk, kids, stow the cell phone, grab a No. 2 pencil, eyes straight ahead, and begin. Let’s see if you’ve been paying attention.

1. As the Spice Girls prepare for a 2019 tour, who remains the fan favorite?

  • a. All Spice

  • b. Old Spice

  • c. Pumpkin Spice

  • d. Nancy Pelosi Spice

2. A Trump Thanksgiving tradition:

  • a. Detaining Pilgrims

  • b. Grabbing them by the giblets

  • c. Don Jr.’s Cooked Goose

  • d. White Friday

3. Country Music Legend Roy Clark died while…

  • a. Pickin’

  • b. Grinnin’

  • c. Smirkin’

  • d. Alone in a room with Hillary Clinton under suspicious circumstances

4. Elections in Florida are decided by:

  • a. Rock, Paper, Scissors

  • b. Jimmy Buffett

  • c. Reverse Osmosis

  • d. the following calendar year

5. Things President Trump would do if it wasn’t raining:

  • a. Rush into an active shooter situation

  • b. Get really tough on Saudi Arabia for murdering U.S. residents

  • c. Rake the forest

  • d. Support the troops

6. Why Heidi Heitkamp hasn’t congratulated Kevin Cramer yet:

  • a. Harold Hamm is still screening his calls

  • b. Verizon blows.

  • c. Testing his pain threshold

  • d. She’s too busy obsessing about Rob Port

7. Now that he’s out of the legislature, Al Carlsen will:

  • a. Take a side gig landscaping the governor’s mansion

  • b. Really get on his wife’s nerves

  • c. Sing Weezer songs at karaoke every weekend

  • d. Get hella wasted

8. Things that spoil Thanksgiving:

  • a. Grandma wears a MAGA cap.

  • b. Becky’s new boyfriend freestyle raps the prayer

  • c. Green Bean Casserole again

  • d. Hoarding the giblets

9. Two words that rile up conservatives:

  • a. Blue Wave

  • b. Income Equality

  • c. Caravan Invasion

  • d. Happy Holidays

10. Top priority at North Dakota State Legislature in 2019:

  • a. Tax breaks for struggling Oklahoma and Texas billionaires

  • b. Slash rural funding; blame local governments for fiscally irresponsible tax hikes

  • c. Decide where in Mandan Erin Oban’s parking spot should be

  • d. Craft a Recreational Hypocrisy Bill

Bonus: Who really discovered America?

  • a. Christopher Columbus

  • b. Leif Ericksson

  • c. Al Jaeger

  • d. Ancient Aliens

Answers: 1. d; 2. d; 3. d; 4. b; 5. c; 6. b; 7.c; 8. d; 9. d; 10. c; Bonus: b. Grading: 11-9 correct: Nice, but sorry, no prize money. George Soros’ check didn’t clear. We’re paying you in soybeans. 6-8 correct: You have so much potential if only you applied yourself. 3-5 correct: What!? Did Measure #3 pass? 0-2 correct: Congratulations, you are the recipient of the Janne Myrdal Scholastic Achievement Award.