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Bender: We don't know what CRT is, but we better stop it

"Now, I'm not saying CRT is a bad thing. I'm not even saying it's a thing, but I do know that when a self-appointed 'historian' like Jim Kasper sounds the alarm, we ought to be alarmed. About something. Anything. His North Korean-ness, Kasper, however, apparently draws his inspiration more from mid-1930's Germany."

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Rep. Jim Kasper is pictured giving an endorsement speech Monday, Feb. 10, 2021, at the First International Bank in Fargo.
C.S. Hagen / The Forum
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State Rep. Jim Kasper ain't exactly sure what Critical Race Theory is, but he's gonna put a stop to it. The Fargo Republican headed up a rabble in Bismarck on Sept. 8 to ensure the Department of Public Instruction's proper implementation of the CRT ban he sponsored last year. Also banned in the bill are the Boogieman, fairies, Santa Claus, the entitlement mentality he engenders, and inexplicably, Melissa Etheridge.

This is the sort of thing that makes America great. Or North Korea. I have just two questions, though: When do the book burnings begin, and has anyone checked the Fire Danger Index?

Now, I'm not saying CRT is a bad thing. I'm not even saying it's a thing, but I do know that when a self-appointed “historian” (located in the dictionary near “hysteria”) like Jim Jong Kasper sounds the alarm, we ought to be alarmed. About something. Anything. Which also happens to be the title of a 1972 Todd Rundgren album. His North Korean-ness, Kasper, however, apparently draws his inspiration more from mid-1930's Germany.

What Kasper, The Friendly Legislator, is concerned about is the “insidious” encroachment of public educators into the arena of public education. That's right, folks. Book learnin'! Right here in River City. History, even, and the wackadoodle notion that hundreds of years of slavery, genocide, repression, and racism could possibly have impacted generations of American minorities. Balderdash! (Another Rundgren album, I think.) Generational poverty is no more real than generational wealth. Ask the Rockerfellers. In fact, according to a 2019 survey cited by the Federal Reserve, white families' median wealth is about $188,000 compared to Black families at $24,000, which, if you were home-schooled, you know is just about even.

That's why I fully expect — demand, really — that Kasper immediately implement a new curriculum — “Whitey Didn't Do Nothing Wrong 101” — into elementary classrooms right after phy-ed and before mandatory “Good Guy With a Gun” instruction.

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The fact is, things are great for minorities. After all, the Indians won at Little Big Horn and that pretty much settled things, and Black guys now get to play quarterback. Besides, technically, Black men have been able to vote for more than 100 years if they didn't mind being lynched in the process. They're even allowed in the GOP! Mostly to tidy up, after fundraisers, I think, but there are exceptions. Candace Owens, or “Aunt Tom,” as she's known among her peers, scheduled a visit to Fargo this week so Republicans could trot her out like a unicorn. “Hey, come see the Black Republican! And later, a scintillating discussion on Stockholm Syndrome!”

But I don't doubt Republican sincerity. Owens, as you may recall, wanted to invade Australia to free the kangaroos from insidious COVID mandates, so you know the GOP isn't racist against simpletons. As if Jim Kasper wasn't proof enough.

In a totally unrelated aside, and I don't want to come off as some kind of conspiracy nut because I'm no Republican, but do you know what killed Olivia Newton-John? Kangaroos. They got the queen, too. Look it up. Or, be a good American, and don't. The point is, I see no reason to save those subversive little bastards. That's the sort of thing that separates Democrats from Republicans. We're more wallaby people. Meanwhile, does anyone know where Herschel Walker stands on marsupials?

Tony Bender writes an exclusive weekly column for Forum News Service. This column does not necessarily reflect the opinion of this publication, nor Forum Communications ownership.

Opinion by Tony Bender
Tony Bender writes an exclusive weekly column from North Dakota for Forum News Service.
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