I'm sure this is a condition of age. I'm 52 and settled happily with my lot in life. I've got two kids in college, one more a year away from college, and one more that ... well, that's another story. I know I've got a great family, I'm comfortable with my home and lake cabin; I'm happy at my job. As I scan the markers in life, it appears things are clicking along pretty well.
I've convinced myself that I'm at the point in life where I'm supposed to be chained to responsibilities, and that it's okay. I'm obligated to embrace my role as main provider for the family. Which, just by virtue of its size, is no easy task. Any household with six people is a hungry beast.
I've learned to slough off life's minor irritants, like my next door neighbor getting a Harley now that he's got one kid gone and only one kid left at home. Or that I'm still driving an eight-year-old car because it's paid for and it runs well. Not big stuff.
But that passive perspective has been shattered. I was shocked back to reality last weekend. Time with my nephew and his girlfriend re-ignited something that I can't easily dismiss: Wanderlust. My smouldering desire to travel.
In three weeks, Eric and friend Amy are leaving to work in Antarctica for six months. When they finish at the South Pole, they're going to Australia, New Zealand and Asia for another six months. Then they're returning home to Boulder, Colo., to work for another couple of years to rebuild their kitty and take off again. Talking to them was like Chinese water torture. I said: "Eric ... You're living my life!"
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I love to travel. My parents made sure we got around when I was a kid. I travelled in college. My wife and family have done our share, but we've really only scratched the surface of what I'd like to do.
My dream as a kid was ... "When I get bigger, all I want to do is travel." And now I'm "bigger" and I've still got miles to go. So, here's the question: Why can't I travel now? Why do I have to wait until my kids are all gone?
A friend told me "... you can't afford to wait."
So, why don't I bag it? Why don't I just downsize? Why don't I sell the house, the cabin and make the kids pay their own way? Why don't I wash my hands of obligations and the rituals that restrain me? Why don't I simplify life so I can explore the world? Well, I'm at a loss for answers. Maybe this thing needs more contemplation.
Does anyone know what I'm talking about? Does anyone have answers?
Ferragut is a Fargo advertising executive and regular contributor to The Forum's opinion and commentary pages. He can be reached at James@GLNess.com
