While watching President Trump risk being hurt while patting himself on the back for his great victory over ISIS leader Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, one needed to fight the urge to turn to a re-run of Gilligan’s Island.
Trump probably didn’t know the difference between Baghdadi and Puff Daddy more than two weeks before the raid, but we must admit he believes he has infinite wisdom on everything from military tactics to t-shirt design.
Let’s hope for Laura Ingraham of Fox News to throw him some hard-nosed softball questions designed to truly showcase his military genius and get his take on historical events.
Ingraham: Mr. President, what would you have done at Valley Forge?
Propane heaters. They are cheap and I could have gotten the British to pay for them. Washington just didn’t know how to make a deal. Besides, it wasn’t that cold at Valley Forge. Look at that picture of Washington crossing the Delaware. Not one fish house anywhere. Wasn’t that cold.
Ingraham: Mr. President, how about the British burning the White House during the War of 1812?
Well, I sure would have had it insured to the max and just let it burn. Then we would have put up a Trump Tower so Melania could do some real entertaining. Poor woman is so ashamed of the White House all she does is stay in the bedroom and cry. Most of the time she won’t even let me in. I have to sleep in the Oval Office. No wonder I get cranky.
Ingraham: Mr. President, how would you have handled the Civil War?
I would have just let the South go. Division is good. Look at me and the Dems. I got mine. They got theirs. But I got ‘em strategically placed and I got people helping me with the Electoral College. The way we got it figured, no matter if I run against Biden, Bernie, Booker or Buttegieg, all I need are the Dakotas, the Carolinas, Wyoming, Alaska, Moscow and Vladivostok, and I’m planning my next inaugural.
Ingraham: Mr. President, do you agree with Teddy Roosevelt’s charge up San Juan Hill?
I sure do. The only thing Teddy got wrong is that he should have charged from behind. A great military genius always cowers, I mean, stands behind his men.
Laura: Mr. President, should we have gotten involved in World War I, the war to end all wars?
I wouldn’t have gotten near that war. Let the Germans, Austrians and Prussians just run over France and England and then let the Russians take everything over from there. That should be the world today. Us on one end, Vladamir on the other end. The two of us just control everything. It would be a great world. All rainbows and unicorns.
Laura: Oh Mr. President, it’s too bad we have not had your great guidance all through our history.
I know. I should tweet that out. How do you spell guidance?