Yesterday it all hit me.

I'd held out hope that by the time school started this fall the virus would have calmed down some and life could resume.

Yesterday I read about a nearby school district considering starting a month late. Some talk about 100% distance learning for high schoolers. Most will require masks.

I hate masks. I understand they do help reduce the airborne droplets. But I still hate them.

My sons' football seasons were just cancelled. No Bible camp, either.

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Disappointment upon disappointment.

Yes, I know the virus can be deadly. Yes, there are many unknowns about it. But I truly hoped we were in this for the short term.

I guess I've been in denial.

So I'm grieving. And I'm angry. This is not how it's supposed to be. But this is how it is.

And to add insult to injury, the nation is even more divided than it was a year ago, and honestly, I didn't think that was possible. I cringe at the vitriol spewed on social media. Politics, health care, shut downs... it makes my head spin.

So we must grieve. And we must flex.

But there's a subtle, unsettling air drifting through our land. Something's not right. It hasn't been right for a while, but this is different.

And I'm reminded to hold on loosely.

Allow the grief. Let it be what it is. Walk your kids through it, hold each other up in it. Let yourself be disappointed. Angry. Disgusted. Sorrowful. Real.