When George Washington was young and cut down that cherry tree, his dad confronted him. George said, “Father, I cannot tell a lie. I cut down that cherry tree.” If it had been Donald Trump, he would say something very different. “There was no cherry tree to cut down. What cherry tree? If there was a cherry tree, how come it’s not there?”

Now that Trump has recovered (or so he says) from COVID, he claims he’s “a perfect physical specimen and very young.” Two lies in one sentence. The Washington Post fact checks politicians: as of July 13 (three months ago), “President Trump has made more than 20,000 false or misleading claims.” The Post is polite. Let’s call them what they are. Lies. By now, it’s 30,000.

With the election three weeks away and North Dakota (but not Minnesota) poised to vote for Trump and his enablers, I realize I’ve had it all wrong. I thought it was my patriotic duty as a True Conservative to call out Trump’s lies, but North Dakota (still one of 15 states refusing to protect its population with a mask mandate) believes that it’s our American duty to lie. And lie. And lie.


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North Dakota voters clearly prefer lies to truth. Clearly, Trump lives to lie; his next book should be called "The Art of the Lie." Clearly, North Dakota should require schools to tell students they must always lie to parents, relatives and friends. The North Dakota slogan at each border should read as follows: “A Good Lie Is the North Dakota Way.”

I feel so free now. If I cross the border (staying in my car, of course, with windows closed, to protect myself from the COVID that Fargo officials lied about when they voted down a mask mandate), I can lie. And lie again. And call it patriotic. This is wonderful!

Why have I struggled, as a True Conservative, to tell the truth? I can just lie.

North Dakotans who vote for Trump are now free to lie to others, like Trump does. They can use his example as one of the Ten Commandments. And they’re free to lie to themselves. Like Trump does.

Trump’s first lie as president came on Inauguration Day, when he falsely claimed he had a bigger crowd attend the ceremony than Barack Obama did. Photographs revealed that he was lying. His most recent lie was yesterday. Look it up. But why count them? If you take Trump at his word, you can lie whenever you like. In fact, if you support Trump, you have an obligation to lie. If you don’t lie, you’ve betrayed Trump and his enablers.

Let’s practice lying. Let’s teach our children by example that anybody who tells the truth will go into TIME OUT. I’ll start. I’m Alan Davis. I won the Nobel Prize in Literature a few days ago. I’m a very stable genius.

Easy peasy! Your turn. Don’t just lie. Do it like Trump. Lie with insanity and without shame.

Davis lives in Moorhead.

This letter does not necessarily reflect the opinion of The Forum's editorial board nor Forum ownership.